Another Fine Mess Chapter 1 Pinapple Pussy and Pot
by RobsFan-tasy01
Summary: Edward Cullen has been isolated on the Breaking Dawn compound for far too long; at least that's what two of his fans think.  These two friends decide to take a "Road Trip" to "Free The Pretty" and Hilarity ensues!
1. Chapter 1

11

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight and I don't. No copyright infringement is intended. This is purely for F-U-N and in no way meant for commercial purposes.**

**A/N: Hi, I'm Rita01tx – DeltaDawn'sDreams's Editor Lady *slash (no! not that kinda slash)* Beta *slash* online BFF *slash* pain in her butt. Take your pick – I wear many hats. In THIS case, I get to wear the Author hat… for the first time ever! Woo hoo!**

**With Triple-D's kind permission, I'm calling this an outtake from her story, Waiting in the Twilight, but it's more of a companion piece as it only briefly touches WIT. I just didn't know what else to call it. **

**So, let's see what kind of trouble this MEoW girl gets herself into, shall we? **

**Music: Take It Easy ~ Eagles**

WAITING IN THE TWILIGHT OUTTAKE: ANOTHER FINE MESS

CHAPTER 1 – Pineapple Pussy & Pot

**Take It Easy ~ Eagles**

_Well, I'm running down the road tryin' to loosen my load  
>I've got seven women on my mind,<br>Four that wanna own me,  
>Two that wanna stone me,<br>One says she's a friend of mine  
>Take It easy, take it easy<br>Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy  
>Lighten up while you still can<br>don't even try to understand  
>Just find a place to make your stand<br>and take it easy . . ._

Hot damn! The one song I know all the words to is playing on my car radio and I can't resist belting out the funky lyrics at the top of my voice . . .

_Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona  
>such a fine sight to see<br>It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford, slowin' down to take a look at me  
>Come on, baby, don't say maybe<br>I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me  
>We may lose and we may win though we will never be here again<br>so open up, I'm climbin' in,  
>so take it easy <em>

Out of my entire family, I just happened to be the one standing behind the door when God passed out musical talent. Ever blessed one of them can sing, play the guitar, or piano, or all three. Hell'n they pay me NOT to sing at our family gatherings back in Texas. Screw 'em all! I can too sing…

_Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load, got a world of trouble on my mind  
>lookin' for a lover who won't blow my cover, she's so hard to find<br>Take it easy, take it easy  
>don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy<br>come on baby, don't say maybe  
>I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me…<em>

"_Delta Dawn, what's that flower you got on…"_ What the fuck? The sound of my cell phone jerks me straight out of my singin' zone.

I'd recognize that ring tone anywhere so I hit the hands free button and answer:

"Yel-lo!"

"TT! Haul that wide load of yours over to my house, right now," the voice on the other end demands.

That would be my best friend, DD. "Wide load," my ass! Sure, I'd been somewhat on the plump side in my teens, but my ample curves have since settled into all the right places, thank you very much. Speaking of which…if anyone should be called DD around here, it's me, on account of she's nowhere near a double D in the boob department. It's kinda ironic, but – hey – _I_ didn't choose "Delta Dawn" for an online name. And, yeah, I own that the initials of my online name, "Texas Tornado," inevitably lead to bathroom humor, so I guess that makes us even.

"Keep your shorts on, DD darlin' – I'm just pulling into your driveway now!"

Like she doesn't know I'm already there. Hah! No way she can't hear the roar of the powerful 283 V8 engine throbbing under the hood of my smokin' black '57 Chevy with the white hardtop. Hell'n that sound is a straight up panty soaker. After all the blood, sweat, and tears my man shed restoring this baby for me, I was all kinds of fuckin' proud to show it off all around Seattle.

I don't even bother knocking and, as I step through the front door, DD's standing there waiting for me with a funny looking yellow drink in one hand and a glowing joint in the other. Her cheeks are red and puffed out, lips pursed together tightly, holding onto the smoke as long as possible.

"What the hell is this?" I ask, taking the drink out of her hand.

"Pineapple Pussy," she chokes out as she's forced to release the smoke right into my face. "I made it with Amaretto and pineapple juice – just try it."

She knows girly drinks don't do it for me, my preference being a straight shot of José Cuervo Black Medallion, but I take a small sip anyway and have to admit it ain't half bad.

Dumping my overnight bag on the floor, I throw my purse down on a nearby overstuffed chair and follow her through the living room out onto the spacious deck at the back of DD and Steve's classic Craftsman house.

It had taken nearly a year for Steve, DD's ever enduring boyfriend, and Harry, my amazing husband, to turn what had been a tired, dilapidated old house into the warm, welcoming home it is today. Even though the boys had graduated from construction work to flipping houses for a living a while back, they'd made good use of everything they'd learned along the way. I don't think anyone could have done a better job. We were all glad Steve had fallen in love with this one and decided to keep it rather than sell it on.

Once the boys had done all they could with it, DD provided the finishing touches with her mad decorating skills. Swear to God, she could make a good living doing that shit.

I take the joint away from DD before it dwindles down to nothin' and walk up to lean on the rail, taking in the view of Puget Sound. The soft breeze off the water is cool, but the bright rays of the noon sun warm the air temperature to perfection on this fine Saturday.

DD sidles up beside me, nudging my left arm with her pointy elbow, and hands me another Pineapple Pussy. I take note of the light sun freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose and the shine of her long, silver blonde hair as strands of it lift in the breeze to mingle and dance with my own brunette locks. The years have seen her grow into a beautiful woman…a far cry from the skinny girl from South Carolina I'd befriended during our senior year of high school.

Late September of 1989, Hurricane Hugo ravaged South Carolina, leaving behind a number of fatalities, severe property damage and broken lives. DD's parents sent her to stay with relatives in Burnet, Texas so she could finish her senior year of high school while they repaired their home. That's where we met.

One day, after gym, I came across two of the nastiest bitches in my class crowding a tall, skinny, blonde girl up against the lockers, cursing and slapping her around for no good reason other than she was the new kid and had managed to piss them off somehow. Now, that just got right up my nose and I saw red! Stepping up behind them, I yanked them off of her with both hands, swung them to the floor and straddled my "wide load" right down on the back of one holding the other one in a half Nelson. DD's screeching had our coach showing up real quick to escort their sorry asses to the Principal's office.

We took to each other right off and have been best friends ever since. Hell'n she spent more time at my house than at her aunt and uncle's, which was fine by me. Except…she was always pulling shit that got us into trouble, sooner or later.

It was all harmless fun, at first. Like the time she poured a cap full of dishwashing liquid into the downstairs toilet at my house. My brother James chased us both squealing through the house after he flushed it, bubbles foaming like a volcano trailing behind him as he ran.

Problem was things escalated and the more creative she got, the more trouble we got into, starting with the time she put a Tic Tac™ and some fake blood in her mouth, pretended to trip and fall, and then spit her "tooth" out in front of a freshman. The little shit fainted, earning us our first trip to the Principal's office.

Her _pièce de résistance_, however, was undisputedly the night my cousins, Howard and David, hung out with James and us upstairs while their parents visited with mine downstairs in the living room. Now, Howard had a powerful crush on DD at the time, so he was particularly susceptible to anything she might suggest. What she suggested was for Howard to throw a croquet ball down the stairs…uncarpeted, enclosed, acoustically perfect stairs, with one door at the bottom for access…while I screamed for all I was worth.

Wide eyes locked onto her radiant face, the heavy croquet ball simply rolled off his fingertips, crashing, smashing and bashing down the stairs. Have you ever screamed and laughed at the same time? In combination with the echoing boom of the croquet ball coming to rest, it must have sounded blood-curdling. Dead silence for one blessed second…then the whole house shuddered and shook on its brick piles as the herd of wild-eyed grown-ups stampeded towards the door to the stairwell, desperate to see whose kid had just died a gruesome death.

DD, my brother and I scrambled for cover, leaving Howard and David to fend for themselves. Poor bastards just froze, having no idea where to hide on such short notice.

_The way Mom tells the story, my dad reached the stairwell first after trampling his sister, my aunt, who had fallen and slid under Mom's dining room table, scattering chairs in all directions. Taking a deep breath, he yanked the door open…no mangled, bleeding, dead kid…just a croquet ball. He picked it up to show Mom and the others, then motioned for them to go back to the living room._

We could hear him stomping up the stairs and shivered in our hiding places. Of course, he found Howard and David right off, which wasn't hard on account of they were both kneeling on the broad window seat at the top of the stairs, hands folded under their chins, praying for their lives: "Please, Oh God, please…don't let him kill us!"

Now, my dad had never in his life laid a hand on one of us kids, but we were all scared shitless that this could be the first time. Still, scared or not, we all came runnin' when he hollered for us to come out…such was our respect. Hell'n my brother and I knew he had the patience to starve us out anyway…plus, the bathroom was downstairs.

He trailed behind the five of us as we all made our hang dog way downstairs to the waiting arms of the remaining parental units. They hugged us and cried, relieved that none of us had actually been hurt. Then they grounded us for 3 whole months. Hell'n we damn near missed our senior prom!

The incident with the croquet ball was the worst trouble she'd ever gotten me into…until now.

Fingers snap repeatedly in front of my face.

"Holy shit, TT! Was the pot really _that_ good? You've been spaced out for the last 10 minutes…," DD laughs.

We turn from the rail and head for two cushioned lounge chairs separated by a glass topped wicker coffee table.

"…or was it my Pineapple Pussy?" she snickers, sitting down and leaning back on her chaise.

"Hmmm, maybe…I dunno. Both? Whatever it was sure has me mellowed the fuck out! Geez, it's peaceful and beautiful out here. How, on God's green earth, did two Southern girls like us end up in a place like this?" I sighed, settling down on my own chaise.

"Couldn't possibly be because two best friends fell in love with two best friends, who just happened to be Seattleites, now could it?" DD quipped.

"The 'Powers That Be' sure worked their mysterious ways _that_ day, didn't they?" I laughed.

Destiny, fate, kismet, or what-the-fuck-ever, jumped up and bit us on the butt during Spring Break '94, our senior year at Nova Southeastern University, Ft. Lauderdale. DD and I followed the intriguing sound of someone playing the piano into a quiet bar on the A1A late one afternoon. There, in a dimly lit corner, we found a gorgeous young man playing the stars from the sky on an upright piano, while his equally stunning friend leaned well-muscled arms along the top.

Without missing a note, Harry glanced over his right shoulder to see what the fuck Steve was gawking at. It was us, and we were gawking the fuck right back at 'em! Deep brown eyes captured my own baby blues, while DD's violet eyes locked onto Steve's smoldering, hazel-eyed gaze and that was all she wrote…we was _all_ goners!

It mattered not at all that the boys were 3 years younger than me and DD. Hell'n, it was too late by the time we found out 'cause they sure didn't look that young. Spending a year in the Southeastern states repairing storm damaged homes and small businesses had honed and tanned their tall bodies to perfection and weathered their features to a maturity beyond their years…not much beyond, mind…just enough to fool us at first glance.

We were inseparable after that day and, after graduation, DD and I went back to Seattle with them. This is our home now and we love it…and we love our men. We really do! Honest! I wouldn't lie!

But that doesn't stop us from perving outrageously on Edward freakin' Cullen!

We _try_ to keep our Edsession on the down low. After all, we've got nearly 10 years on him. We are old enough to know better…or, shall I say, we _should_ know better. God knows, Harry and Steve have no idea just how Edsessed we really are.

All it takes is one little word…

"Edward…" DD starts.

…and we're off!

"Aw hell, DD! You went and said the 'E' word!" I moan.

"Well shit, girl! Did you see what's been going on at MEoW today?" DD asks, producing a laptop seemingly outa thin air. She proceeds to type in an addy for the site and then shoves the laptop at me while the page loads.

"No, what are those hOOrs up to now?" I wonder, taking the laptop from her and turning it to face me. I look at the screen and see the current posting from MEoW.

**It's official! Edward Freakin Cullen Reads MEoW! **

**He did it! He DID IT! He REALLY, REALLY DID IT! A few days ago I posted a wardrobe request for Edward. See that ****here****. Some of you ladies even asked him to give us a sign so we would know for sure that he had seen the request and asked him to tug at the collar of his shirt. On Friday, Edward left BR and arrived in VC and THIS, ladies, is proof positive that Edward Reads our Blog! **Jumping up and down waving* "Hey Edward!"**

What follows is a series of photographs taken by the paps at Vancouver airport a few days ago. In them, Edward is wearing a vintage, black and red MTV jacket over a white dress shirt, opened to reveal the red horse tee-shirt JET had requested he wear to let her know he really does read MEoW.

The last photo of Edward tugging his collar is the proof JET had been waiting for…

**The TUG! *I AM D-I-E-D*FL_**

**So ladies Is this proof enuff for you? What do you want to say to Edward Today? **

…and the crowd goes wild!

**Chatterbox:**_** "OMG OMG OMG I can't believe he did it! *Blowing Kisses* Hey Eddie, how you doin BB? He loves us! He truly loves us! Lol"**_

**Crazyforcullen:**_** "NFW! For realz? Edward! We Lurve you hot stuff!"**_

**Rudysmom2008:**_** "You guise you guise have you seen this,…WHOA! What? WTF? Edward does Read MEOW? Holy Mary Mother of GOD!"**_

"**Edwardscougar:**_** Yeah well, we got him into the red horse shirt, hee hee hee, now I wanna get him out of it! Bwahahaha. How's about it Edward?"**_

**DazzlemeEC:**_** *Picking my jaw up off the floor!* Oh Edward BB! I knew you Loved us! We Love you too! Now, just get yourself back here and post so we/you can confirm it beyond a shadow of a doubt!**_

Jesus! What if Edward is reading all this shit right now!

**FlightlessVamp:**_** "There IS a GOD!"**_

**Summerchic:**_** *THUD***_

**Forkshere:**_** "WTF? It's TRUE? It's all true? Ho-LEE SHIT!"**_

**JET: "Edward, Please know that you are welcome to come here and post whenever you wish, and Please rest assured I will NOT divulge any of your information to ANYONE for any price."**

After reading the rest of the post, I'm stunned. He knows about MEoW and all the women here. He's actually read all of their snide, crude, lusty and adoring comments about him! I want him to know me too so, for the first time ever, I out myself and post a comment.

**Texas~Tornado:**_** "hOOr-ay for Edward! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah! Oops! **_**Hell'n that just jerked me straight outa lurkin' mode!**_**"**_

"Holy crap, TT! What are you doing?" DD squeals.

I'm pretty sure she's in shock that I actually commented. We've been lurking on these sites for ages, but neither of us has ever posted a comment before.

"Look, I just thought that…if Edward really is reading MEoW…aw hell, girl! I want him to know my name at the very least," I explain, turning back to the screen to see what happens now.

**MyHubbyIsNoEdward: "Welcome Tex! You picked a good day to join the perv party BB! Edward, Baby, I got a few more requests since you are so willing to…um Fulfill all our wishes." **

The immediate response thrills me and I grin like the Cheshire Cat. Gotta say, the women here are always very welcoming to the newbies. Several other ladies comment and I continue reading until the next one gets my attention.

**Rudy'smom2008: "**_**Oh Shizz, I got so excited a while ago I forgot to tell you guise why I came in here in the first place. LOL You all have to check this out SRSLY! Have any of you seen this? **__**(link)**__** Over on Edsession, they have announced that Scummit Entertainment has heard about all the bad reviews of the "Non-Battle Scene" in Breaking Dawn. They have come up with a phenomenal solution. They have created a contest, anyone can enter, YOU rewrite the "Non Battle scene" the way you would like to see it on the Big Screen. Scummit is going to Film the Winner's Rewrite in Place of the SM's original version! No Shit BBez! GO, Go Now! See for yourself!"**_

"I wonder what he thinks about…" and DD's off on one of her wild fantasies of trying to guess what Edward really thinks about it all.

I continue reading the post, wondering if DD has gotten as far in as I have because she hasn't mentioned anything about this "Non-Battle Scene" contest.

While she blathers along, I check out the link that Rudy'smom2008 provided and I'm so surprised by what the winner of the contest would actually win, I just have to go back to MEoW and comment again.

**Texas~Tornado: "**_**OMG! It's true ya'll! I just checked this ^_^ out and IT'S TRUE! Not only that but SRSLY, the Winner… gets to spend the BD premiere weekend with Edward!**_**"**

I finish reading all there is to read on MEoW and look up at DD expectantly. I know her well…she's bound to have a nefarious reason for showing me this and getting me all excited. I wait for it…

"Poor Edward, stuck in that compound all alone with no one to talk to. He can't go anywhere, which means we can't see him." She says in a petulant, sing-song tone.

"Hell'n there's not much anyone can do about it anyway. Those pictures on MEoW are probably the last ones we'll get to see of him for a long time. At least, until they finish filming," I tell her, suddenly wondering why the hairs on the back of my arms are standing up, why I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded…and why the fuck I feel a monumental déjà vu moment fast approaching.

Holding my gaze with a lift of her eyebrow and a half smile on her face, she pulls a folded piece of paper out of her back pocket and slides it across the coffee table towards me.

Even though I _know_ the guys are out on a rush job until tomorrow afternoon, I still look over my shoulder to make sure we're alone. Turning back to DD, I wonder what's going on in that mixed up blond head of hers. That wicked evil grin _always_ signals the beginning of another fine mess she's gonna get us into.

Hell'n when was I ever able to resist?

Unfolding the paper and flattening it out, my eyes nearly bug out of my head when I see a crudely drawn map to the Breaking Dawn compound outside of Squamish, a small town at the edge of a remote area of British Columbia. A small red 'x' marks the position of Edward Cullen's trailer.

Fuck me sideways! How in the name of all that is holy did she get her hands on this?

DD takes another quick look around before leaning over to whisper…

"_Road trip! Free The Pretty!"_

***GASP***

**Wanna know what happens next? You won't have to wait long to find out…Chapter 2 will be up before you even know it's missing. If you are waiting for updates of Waiting in the Twilight and The Songs of Angels by our girl, DeltaDawn'sDreams, my apologies but I have to get this crazy story out of my head first before I can concentrate on editing those puppies. **

**Patience, Angelz. All will be well – I promise.**

**Rita**


	2. Chapter 2

12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight and I don't. No copyright infringement is intended. This is purely for F-U-N and in no way meant for commercial purposes.**

**A/N: Well, in case you hadn't noticed, TT and DD got a leeetle out of hand, so I had to split their adventure into 2 chapters. **

WAITING IN THE TWILIGHT OUTTAKE: ANOTHER FINE MESS

CHAPTER 2 – Mind Fuckin' & Mud Puddles

Don't ask me how she always manages to talk me into these hair-brained schemes of hers. All I know is that, sure as shit, an hour and a half later, I'm behind the wheel and we're barreling up I-5 North to Vancouver, on our way to Squamish, with only one thought on our minds, "Edward."

DD wouldn't leave her laptop behind and sits beside me in the passenger seat, giggling her ass off, reading a post on LTE from back when Edward was still in Baton Rouge. She insists on reading it to me…out loud:

"_**Chatterbox: That does it! We're coming to get you Edward! We will sneak into the Scummit compound go into hiding and lie in wait. Then secretly, in the dead of night, break you out of there. We'll make a getaway in my VW, meet up with the WTF-LTE tour bus at the Texas border, and make a group road trip out of it. We'll buy you a wig on our way down, I'm sure that will provide enough cover for you. No one will notice. There will be beer on the bus, as well as a Hot Pockets bar. Any one of us will run our hands through your hair. (massage your bum whateve) Sound fun? Just give me a sign and I'm/we are there. Who's with me?"**_

Hell'n I guess that explains where she got this crazy idea from. Problem is, I know from experience that, once she sets her mind to something, I have no choice but to watch her back until it runs its course.

She asks me if I don't wish we had ourselves a VW getaway car to meet up with the WTF-LTE tour bus at the Canadian border, once we convince Edward he needs rescuing. Uh, that's a big "Hell, no!"

Now, to my mind, if you're looking to liberate someone like Edward freakin' Cullen from mandatory isolation, you gotta do it in style! This is how I convinced her that we should absolutely take her brand new, fresh-out-of-the-box, silver Mercedes-Benz S550 sedan. Besides, with the cool SatNav this baby's got, we should be able to accomplish our mission and be back home within the roughly 12 hour window of opportunity afforded by the absence of our unsuspecting men-folk.

And as for meeting up with the WTF-LTE bus goes, if it even exists, I'm not about to turn him over to them greedy h00rs for love nor money!

See? Even floatin' on Pineapple Pussies and pot, I manage to keep my eye on the prize!

We hadn't gotten but 5 miles up the road before DD forces me to get off at the nearest 7-Eleven. She's got a raging case of the munchies and wants to stock up so we don't have to stop for dinner on the road. I cruise the aisles for bread, lunch meat, cheese slices, pickles, chips and sodas before meeting up with DD back at the counter. Besides what she's bought for herself, she's juggling a sizable cooler, 2 six-packs of Heineken, and about a dozen Hot Pockets.

"What?" she asks, noticing the puzzled look on my face.

"You think we really need all that?" I ask.

"Bait!" she grins

I just throw my hands up and march out the door to get some ice for the cooler. It's gonna be a loooong drive!

Traffic thins after a couple of hours and I finally get the chance to set the cruise control and relax. One thing I love about DD…she's a great road buddy. She keeps me entertained and, more importantly, she keeps me awake!

Her version of License Plate Lingo involves picking letters to do with Edward.

"MVR, TT," she calls out.

"Ummmm…Meet Vampire Robert," I answer

My turn.

"CBA."

"Cullen Beats All," she laughs.

Yeah he does.

"EML," DD says.

"Oh…, ah, Edward My Love," I sigh.

She sighs, too.

"ABC, DD," I giggle.

"OK, um….uh…I got it! Already Been Cullened," she finally answers.

"Cullened? What's fuck does that even mean?" I growl. I _knew_ she was gonna start cheating.

"Yeah, you know…infected with Cullenitis!" she howls.

She decides to change it up so that the fourth word has to be "Edward."

"NNO, TT," she starts.

"Need No Other…"

"Edward," we say together.

"GTM."

"Got To Mate…"

"EDWARD!" we both scream, grinning from ear-to-ear.

This goes on for some time before she suggests playing Pick a Part…of Edward. We perv on different parts of Edward's anatomy, from his sexy bed hair to his yummy toes, until DD starts coming down from her high and dozes off on me.

I think back on how she'd gone straight for his peen and, let me tell you, that girl's got one hell of an imagination. But, I got her back when I picked his tongue. Hell'n she was rubbing her thighs together by the time I was done. Who says fan fiction isn't educational.

Out of all the parts of Edward we perved on, however, I realize we never mentioned his long, beautiful eyelashes. Hmmm, if I was gonna write a fan fiction lemon, I'd have to find a way to include those gorgeous eyelashes. Maybe something like…

_Crossing the yard of the old farm house I inherited from my grandparents, my bare feet stir the fine hot Texas dust with every step. Ice cubes clink musically in the glass tea pitcher I'm holding in my right hand. The basket swinging from my left arm holds four thick roast beef sandwiches, white linen napkins, a small plastic container of lemon slices for the tea, and two tall glasses. _

_My long mahogany hair is twisted into a loose knot on top of my head, leaving damp tendrils sticking to my neck. Despite the top three buttons of my blue summer dress being open to catch any stray breeze that happens along, a drop of moisture crawls slowly down into my cleavage. It's so hot today that I refused to even consider putting on any underwear this morning and the thin cotton clings to every curve on my body. _

_Okay, I might have an ulterior motive for going bare. Smiling to myself, I make my way towards the dilapidated barn._

_An old wooden bench sits beside the open barn doors and I place the basket and tea pitcher down on it before taking a few steps back to look up. Shading my blue eyes with both hands, I watch as Edward saunters along the top beam of the skeletal roof with the grace of a ballet dancer. No, not a ballet dancer. With that wild mane of bronze hair, he's more like a big cat…a mountain lion. Rauwwr! He's balancing a two-by-four plank of wood across his shoulders, keeping it steady with his wrists draped over each end. The plaid shirt he's wearing is unbuttoned all the way down, revealing a sun kissed chest and impressive abs. _

_I can't help staring at the sweat dampened trail of tawny hair leading from his navel down into the waist of his tight, faded Levi jeans. The jingle of metal knocking against metal draws my attention to the tool belt slung low around his swaying hips. Ummm! My attention is definitely drawn to the distinct bulge in his jeans, just below the steel buckle. My cheeks blush furiously as warmth pools between my legs. _

_His ringing laughter jerks me back up to his handsome face. Hah! He's caught me checking him out…again! Sometimes, I don't think I'll ever get used to having this beautiful, sexy man for my very own. I doubt I ever will, and I couldn't be happier at the thought. _

"_Come on down…I've brought lunch!" I holler up at him._

"_Great! I'm starving!" he hollers back._

_Edward swings the plank off of his shoulders and makes his way to the ladder leaning against the side of the barn. Smirking over his shoulder at me, green eyes sparkling with mischief, he makes sure I'm watching his ass as he slowly steps backwards down each rung of the ladder. Oh, baby! I am…I am watching that ass!_

_As soon as his feet touch the ground, he unbuckles the heavy tool belt and drapes it across a beat-up old sawhorse. I squeal as he lunges towards me and grabs me around the hips. He lifts me off my feet and spins me around until I'm breathless before stopping to let me slide down his tall body, still wrapped in his arms. No way do I miss feeling his obvious hard on against my stomach before landing back on my feet._

"_Starving for YOU!" he growls into my neck, gnawing playfully at the sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder._

_Pushing against his chest until he releases me, I lead him over to the bench and pour ice tea into one of the tall glasses, squeeze a slice of lemon into it and hand it to him. He drains the glass quickly and my mouth opens slightly as I watch the bobbing of his Adam's apple. Damn! How can that be so hot? It's him…all him. Every single part of this man's body excites me!_

_Side by side, we sit on the old bench and eat our sandwiches. Well, he devours three of them while I nibble on the last one. We talk about our day and the progress he's making on repairing the barn. He itemizes all the things still left on his "to do" list, both for the barn and the old farmhouse. Eventually, claiming to be so full that he needs to take a "siesta," Edward takes my hand and leads me into the cool shade of the barn. The double doors at the other end are standing open, as well, allowing a cooling breeze to circulate around us. Now, why am I not surprised to find a fluffed up pile of hay covered by a thick, well-worn quilt?_

_Bringing me down beside him, we lay facing each other on the soft bed of hay. Smiling, Edward stretches out his hand to push a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. Green eyes darkening with lust, he pushes his fingers to the back of my head to loosen my hair and pulls me urgently to his waiting lips. Heat races through my whole body and I crush my lips hard against his. My mouth opens in invitation and his hot tongue enters to dance and stroke and play with my own. His lips suck my tongue as he releases it to trail scorching kisses along the side of my neck. He urges me onto by back and continues kissing down my chest until he reaches the top of my breasts. His nimble fingers make quick work of the buttons on my dress and he opens it to reveal my naked body._

"_God damn, woman! No underwear?" he exclaims in surprise. _

_I just giggle and blush…again. ._

"_Well, I thought it would save a little time," I answer coyly._

"_You are wicked and evil, you know that?" he laughs._

_I laugh low in my throat and drag his shirt off of his magnificent shoulders, caressing his strong back as I let it fall behind him to the floor. He leans over me again kissing and suckling my nipple to a hard peak. He moves his lips down to the underside of my breast and his long eyelashes accidently brush across my erect nipple. It feels like the flutter of a butterfly's wing and I hiss and writhe beneath him. Edward looks up at me and grins when he realizes what he's done to elicit such a response from me._

_He does it again on my other nipple, just to see my reaction._

"_Now who's wicked and evil," I groan. _

_Electricity shoots straight to my pussy and I push my lower body against his, seeking some kind of friction. Suddenly, I feel his hand move down by stomach and I gasp as he shoves two long fingers all the way inside me and starts pumping them in and out roughly, just how I like it._

"_This what you want?" he growls against the corner of my mouth. "This what you need?"_

"_More!" I moan, reaching for the button of his pants and lowering the zipper quickly. Freeing his huge erection, I stroke up and down its long length as he adds a third finger and pumps harder._

"_Ah God!" I scream as my orgasm takes me._

"_I'm not done with you," he hisses as he removes my hand from his throbbing penis._

_He shifts down my body until he can pull my legs over his shoulders. Lowering his mouth to the apex of my thighs, he nuzzles me with his nose before taking a long lick up my slit. I grab onto his hair and pull his head hard into my core as he takes my clit between his lips, sucking rhythmically until the dam bursts. I scream again as another orgasm rips through me._

_I don't even have time to catch my breath before Edward takes my hands from his hair and drags them up over my head. He holds them down tightly with one hand and strokes his erection a couple of times with the other before pressing the head of it against my soaking entrance._

"_You ready for a rough ride, baby?" he grits through his teeth. _

_Not waiting for my answer, he sheathes himself to the hilt inside me in one long, hard stroke. Pulling out slowly, he slams back in, filling me completely. He pulls out and slams into me again…and again…and again. I'm nearly mindless but he doesn't stop. He can't stop. I wrap my legs high around his waist, pulling him in deeper than before, matching his every thrust with my own. Pounding frantically now, he starts to lose it._

"_Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!" he roars, pulsing streams of hot cum into my greedy pussy._

_It only takes one final stroke of his still hard erection to send me screaming over the edge. _

"_Holy mother of pearl!" he gasps. "That was amazing!"_

_I couldn't agree more. _

_Edward gathers me close in his arms, purring deeply with satisfaction…just like a big cat. I smile as I lay my head on his chest and listen as his heart beat slowly returns to normal. Easing my left arm around his back, I feel my eyes growing heavy._

"_I love you," he whispers against my hair before drifting off to sleep._

"_I love you too," I breathe against his shoulder._

_A real siesta sounds good right about now._

Holy shit! Suddenly, I'm not recognizing the road in front of me. Crap! This is just all kinds of wrong! God only knows how long I've been driving on automatic pilot and that _really_ scares me! The SatNav indicates we're about an hour away from Vancouver, so I shake DD out of her sleep. She nearly takes my head off for waking her up, but I need her to take the wheel before we cross the Canadian border. Once we get across, she'll continue on Highway 99 into Vancouver, since there's just no way can I stay awake and focused enough to maneuver us though that kind of traffic.

TT pulls over at a rest stop to trade places with me so I can take over driving for a while. Not that I really mind, but…_DAMN_, why did she have to wake me just when my fuckhawt dream about Edward was getting seriously steamy?

Maybe if I can remember enough of it, I can write it down when I get a chance…

_Moonlight shining through a tall, half-opened window partially illuminates a bedroom that is decidedly not my own. Sheer white curtains dance in the gentle breeze allowed into the room. To the right of the window, a man sits bolt upright in the middle of a king-sized four poster bed. He's staring around the room, desperately searching for whatever it was that woke him from his slumber. White cotton sheets cover his hips and legs…his leanly muscled chest, shoulders and arms are bare. It's too dark to tell the color of his hair and eyes, but there's enough light to make out his thick, dark eyebrows, high cheekbones and a sharply chiseled jaw line quite clearly. He's so beautiful, it makes my heart ache!_

_Turning his head in my direction, he runs his fingers through his tousled mane and stares straight through me. He doesn't see me! Can't he see me? Trembling, he looks away. _

_Oh! He's afraid! I don't want him to be afraid! _

_I drift forward a few steps and stop, feeling silky fabric whispering around my legs. I look down at myself and see that I'm wearing a white satin nightgown. My long, silver blonde hair is loose around my shoulders. How odd! I continue moving towards the left side of the bed and gently sit down beside the beautiful man, hitching my right knee up onto the mattress. The bed doesn't dip under my weight…it's as if I have no substance._

_Now I'm the one who is afraid! Am I dead? Am I a ghost? What's happening?_

_Without thinking, I reach for his right hand, which is resting on top of the covers, inches away from my knee. He sucks air between his teeth and jerks his hand away. He can feel me! My eyes search his handsome face eagerly and it's only now that I am closer to him that I can see the color of his unruly bronze hair and vivid green eyes. Oh, my God! It's Edward! _

_At my gasp, he jerks his head towards the sound. He can hear me!_

"_Edward," I whisper. "Don't be afraid. I mean you no harm."_

"_Who are you?" he asks, clearly confused. _

_I realize I have no idea. I mean, I know I'm me…I just don't know who me is!_

"_I…I don't know," I sob. "I don't know who I am or what I'm doing here. I don't understand what's happening to me. Why can't you see me? I'm so frightened!"_

_Following the sound of my voice, he reaches out to search my face. At his gentle touch, I cover his hand with mine and press it firmly to my left cheek. His hand is so warm and comforting. We are both surprised by the tingle of electricity flowing between us._

"_Don't cry, sweetheart," he says, pulling me against his bare chest and wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay. It's okay…shhhhh."_

_My arms wrap around his broad back of their own accord and I lay my head against his right shoulder, nestling under his jaw. I feel safe for the first time since becoming aware of my surroundings. I can hear his heartbeat beneath my ear. It's beating in time with my own. His left hand moves to the back of my head and strokes my hair down to my waist._

"_You have very long hair," he murmers. "It's so soft. What color is it?"_

"_Silver blonde," I whisper._

"_What color are your eyes…please?" he asks._

"_Violet," I chuckle, raising my head to gaze into his green eyes._

"_Ummm…when I close my eyes, I can see you in my mind," he says, gently exploring the dip in my waist and grazing my hip with his fingertips. Long dark eyelashes brush his high cheekbones as he leans back against the pillows, taking me with him. Our heartbeats pick up speed and we both tremble, but not in fear._

"_May I?" he asks. I nod once against his chest and he eases the straps of my nightgown from my shoulders. _

_His long, slender fingers trail down my chest to cup my right breast, while I explore his firm ribs and chest with my left hand. He dips his head to capture my lips and I moan into his mouth as he gently pinches my nipple to a hard peak. His warm tongue brushes my bottom lip, seeking entrance. My mouth opens enough to allow his tongue to enter and my tongue strokes and glides against his with new urgency. His hips press against my stomach and I feel his hard length. Panting now, I shift my body so that he's positioned between my legs where I need him the most. My satin covered clit drags up and down his hardness until he releases my lips._

"_Is this okay?" he asks, reaching for the hem of my nightgown. _

"_Oh, God…yes!" I sigh against the corner of his mouth. _

_I lean away from his glorious body just far enough to allow him to ease it up and over my head. I crush my lips against his again as I writhe against him. Our legs tangle as we push the sheets to the bottom of the bed. He palms my breast before dropping his head towards my chest, taking my nipple into his hot mouth. I groan and reach down to stroke his straining erection. His magnificent cock is so much larger than I ever imagined. He moves his body over me and lines up at my already pulsing entrance._

"_You're so wet for me," he gasps, entering slowing until our hips meet._

_He pulls nearly all the way out before pushing back in a little deeper. I gasp and moan, reveling in the fullness of his penetration._

"_Please! More…harder!" I beg, spiraling towards my release._

"_Yes! Oh, yes!" he groans, as he begins pounding into me, harder…deeper, over and over._

"_Jesus Christ!" he screams as his orgasm rips through his body, causing his lovely green eyes to fly open._

"_Oh! I can see you…I see you! You're so beautiful, my angel!" he cries, hugging me tightly to his hot, sweat slicked body. _

_He's still hard, jerking uncontrollably inside me as he rides out his orgasm and I'm close…so close!_

"DD! DD, wake up!" TT is shaking me by my shoulder as my eyes fly open in disbelief.

Son of a cock blocking bitch!

Once we get past North Vancouver, we hit the Sea-to-Sky Highway and I'm driving again. The moon's not quite visible yet, but the sky is absolutely filled with stars. I think it must be the Milky Way, but I've never seen it before, so I'm not sure.

It's a straight shot to Squamish now and we're both quiet, wondering what's ahead of us and if we'll actually get to see Edward. We're not stupid enough to think we can actually talk Edward into coming with us. Well, now that we aren't under the influence of pot and Pineapple Pussies, anyway. But it'll be worth everything we've been through today, if only we get to see him in person…even for just a minute.

About an hour later, we're just north of Squamish. Unfortunately, the SatNav doesn't show any logging roads around Lake Alice, which leaves me relying on DD's crude map. It's close to midnight and I'm crawling along a dark, rough dirt road in the middle nowhere, hoping I don't bottom out on one of these potholes. DD's got her nose pushed up close to the windshield straining to see what she swears is a vague hint of lights about a mile or so ahead. I cut the headlights and coast to a stop behind a large clump of rocks and runty pine trees.

We get out of the car and close the doors as softly as we can. It's so quiet that I don't dare use the automatic locking system. Hell'n the fuckin' bleep would wake up every critter for miles around, not to mention alerting any guards that might be on patrol to our presence in the woods. We take a minute to let our eyes adjust to what little moonlight the thick trees allow through their branches before moving off to check out those lights in the distance.

"_You think there're any bears out here?"_ DD whispers, hooking her left arm around my right elbow.

"_I wouldn't be at all surprised if there were…,"_ I whisper back, _"lions, and tigers, and bears…oh my!"_

I don't know where that came from, but I can't stop myself from whispering a little louder…

"_**Lions, and tigers, and bears…oh my!"**_ I try desperately to muffle my giggles. _**"Lions, and ti…"**_

Suddenly, I'm on the ground with DD on top of me. Her hand is clamped down hard on my mouth, her eyes are flashing, and she's mad as hell.

"_If you don't shut the fuck up, right now, you're gonna get us caught!"_ she hisses.

"_OK, OK...I'm good,"_ I hiss back, wrestling out from under her and getting back to my feet.

About 10 minutes later, we reach a 6 foot high fence surrounding what we believe to be the Breaking Dawn compound. There's a super nice travel trailer not far beyond it and we decide this is as good a place to climb over as any.

My heart is practically pounding its way out of my chest and I can see that DD's fit to be tied…bouncing up and down on her toes beside me. After all, if 'x' really does mark the spot, this has GOT to be Edward's trailer!

"_DD, you give me a boost up first and, once I'm down, I'll help you get over. OK?"_ I tell her, still whispering as softly as I can.

She bends her knees and links her fingers, giving me a stirrup to boost myself up and over the fence. Now that I'm on the other side, we both see a problem. Who's gonna give DD a boost?

"_Just climb the links to the top and swing your legs over. I'll hold on so you don't fall while you feel your way down. That'll work, right?"_ I suggest.

DD manages to get to the top and I grab her legs to hold her steady.

She accidentally kicks me in the chest and I stumble back onto a wet, slippery patch of ground…

"Good evening, ladies," a deep voice calls out from the darkness beside Edward's trailer.

"**Screeeech!"**

**{THUMP}**

"**Crap!"**

We freeze as light from a powerful flashlight sweeps across us. A monstrous shape steps forward and I recognize Emmett McCarty, Edward's brother-in-law and bodyguard.

Aw, shit! We are so busted.

**Well, dang! I guess it's gonna be 3 chapters. Good thing it's already done. **

**Hang on a minute. **

**Rita**


	3. Chapter 3

9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight and I don't. No copyright infringement is intended. This is purely for F-U-N and in no way meant for commercial purposes.**

**A/N: I know I said it would only be 2 chapters, but it ran away with me…what can I say! **

WAITING IN THE TWILIGHT OUTTAKE: ANOTHER FINE MESS

CHAPTER 3 – Truth & Consequences

Emmett could not believe what he was seeing. Sitting in a muddy puddle at the bottom of the six foot high security fence, a nicely upholstered woman, with long brown hair and blue eyes, was holding onto the pants of a slender blonde woman, whose lily white ass and long legs dangled on this side of the fence. Damned if she wasn't flashing a tiny pair of Tinker Bell panties, too.

"What's going on out here, Em?" Edward asked, suddenly appearing from around the corner his trailer. He sauntered up to stand beside him.

"Dude, we've got company," Emmett laughed, pointing at the two women.

The blonde finally managed to reach the ground and retrieve her absent jeans from the dark haired one. She had already succeeded in getting one leg covered and was hopping in a circle on one foot, trying to finish putting the other leg in. Just as she got her foot pushed through the leg opening, she slipped and fell hard on her butt, splattering even more mud on the dark haired woman.

With a look of complete disgust, the dark haired woman held out her hand to the fragile blonde, offering to help her up. The embarrassed blonde took it and heaved herself to her feet. Once they were standing side by side, the blonde nudged the brunette with her shoulder, looked up through her lashes and smiled. Then, they both started giggling.

"Ahem," Emmett cleared his throat, instantly silencing their inappropriate humor.

While Emmett was pissed off that these women had gotten this close to their objective, Edward struggled to keep a grin from splitting his face. Feeling a sudden vibration in his pants pocket, Emmett stepped a few feet away to discretely answer his cell phone. At one point in the whispered conversation, he paused to stoop down and pocket something he found lying on the ground near the fence.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen." Edward stepped forward, hand outstretched to shake the brunette´s hand gently.

"Um…ah, he...hello. My name is Charlotte Hager…um, Char, and this is my best friend, Rebecca…well, Becky… Masters. We're so sorry to intrude like this, but…oh, we're such big fans and…um, we've been trying to see you in person for so long and maybe get your autograph or a picture…or something, and…uh, it just never has worked out, so…um, ah…we thought if we could find you where there wasn't such a crowd…. Yeah, well…that sounds pretty lame, huh?"

"Oh, Mr. Cullen…uh, Edward," DD pushed her way in front of TT and grabbed his hand. "It wasn't my idea, honest! She _made_ me come out here with her! I would have waited forever to see you in person, but TT's always so impatient and she just wouldn't listen… and she had this hair-brained idea…and…"

"Ladies, ladies," Edward laughed at their pathetic apologies. "Let's get you both inside and dried off a bit…then we'll talk, shall we?"

He lifted an eyebrow in Em's direction. Slapping his cell phone shut, Emmett nodded his permission to proceed. Edward didn't see the swift kick in the ass Char gave Becky when he looked away.

Practically bouncing, the girls each grabbed onto one of his arms for dear life as they made their way into Edward's trailer. He took their familiarity in stride; after all, they were "his" girls…his fans.

I watch Edward disappear behind a door down the hall, leaving us standing there shivering, both from nerves and the clammy feeling of cold, damp clothing against our skin. Looking around the living room, I'm surprised to see a typical man cave. Clothing, guitars, pizza boxes and a variety of take-out food containers decorate every available surface. An overflowing ashtray sits on the coffee table next to a closed laptop. This pretty much proves he's a real human being…not a fantasy. Emmett watches us intently from his seat on the couch as Edward returns with a thick, fluffy towel for each of us. We thank him quietly and dry ourselves off as best we can under the circumstances.

"So, Char…and Becky, of course," Edward says, a panty melting smirk gracing his handsome face. "It's been quite a night for you two and I'm afraid there's an early morning call with my name on it. I'd like to thank you both for 'dropping in' but I'm afraid your *ahem* 'visit' will have to be short lived. Now that you are fairly dry and warmed up a bit, Emmett and I will give you a ride back to your car."

"_TT!,"_ Poking me none too lightly in the ribs with a sharp elbow, DD leans against my shoulder and whispers near my ear "_ask if we can get a picture of us with him."_

She's whispering loud enough for Edward to hear her.

"That's the second time I've heard you refer to Char as 'TT,' Becky. What's that about?" he asks.

I watch DD drift automatically into her signature flirt move. Leaning her right cheek into the palm of her hand…long, wavy blonde hair drifting artfully down the side of her face, she peers up at him through long lashed, sparkling violet eyes.

Oh no she didn't! The urge to slap her up side the head is nearly overwhelming. SHIT! No mortal man can resist "the move." She'd proven that hundreds of times. I can't say as I blame Steve for being such a jealous bastard if he has to watch her unconsciously unleash that power on anything with three legs!

"Yes…um, that's Char's online name. Texas Tornado, I mean. I just got into the habit of shortening it to TT and, well, my online name is Delta Dawn, so TT just calls me DD," she stammers, snagging his attention.

"Texas Tornado?" Edward turns to face me. "Haven't I seen you post a comment or two on MEoW recently?"

"Wait…what? You mean it really was you? You really do go onto MEoW? I mean, yeah…that was me," I reply, desperately trying to remember what I'd posted, hoping it wasn't too embarrassing. Oh, hell! But I had gotten my wish…Edward Cullen knew my name. EDWARD FREAKIN' CULLEN knew _my_ name! Fuck, yeah!

"Guilty as charged," he laughs. "All you fit ladies are very entertaining in your outrageous enthusiasm."

I allow as how us Edh00rs could get pretty damned outrageous, irreverent, rude, crude, and probably tattooed! But, he obviously doesn't get what he means to us. I can't help myself…I just gotta let him know!

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen, but…"

"Edward, please," he insists, and I nearly wet myself at his devastating smile.

"Oh! Yes…um, of course, Edward…" I begin again, desperately trying to stifle an unruly giggle.

"Well, you see, _we_ may be entertaining to _you_, but do you have any idea what _you've_ done for _u_s?"

"What_ I've _done?"he asks, clearly astonished. He glances at Emmett and they both snicker. "Please, do tell." He waves for me to continue and takes a seat at his kitchen table, gesturing for us to do the same. I'm grateful for the chance to sit down because my legs are trembling just being this close to him. Hell'n I can hear DD's knees knocking together, as well.

"Mr….er…Edward, I know that, on MEoW, we sometimes get carried away with our comments." I can't help feeling a little embarrassed remembering some of the things the girls had said. I look over at DD for moral support and the deep blush on her cheeks tells me she feels the same way. "But if you spend any real time on that blog, then you have to know it's so much more than that. You have touched so many lives in so many ways… you'll never truly understand what you mean to us."

"It's true, Edward. You've touched…you've _changed_ so many lives, all for the good!" DD piped up.

"You have no idea how many people around the world have become good friends, at least online, because of you! A very lucky few even manage to meet up in real life, mostly at premiers of your films. Oh, my God! The stories they tell…camping on the street for days to get a good place in line…standing in the cold, pouring rain for hours on end…sharing food and holding each other's places in the line…all for just a _chance_ to see you up close, hoping for an autograph or a photo with you," I explain.

Edward opens his mouth to say something, but snaps it shut, glancing at Emmett with raised brows. I take a deep breath and continue before he can interrupt me.

"When you finally pass by, you are _always_ kind and patient with them. You _always_ take time to say hello and sign your name, and you _always_ pause to take photos with as many of them as you can. Edward, never think we don´t notice how, despite all the screaming and craziness, you seem to enjoy being with us as much as we love being with you, if only for a few seconds! "

"And it doesn't end for them there. Oh no! Afterwards, they go out for dinner, or have lunch together, exchanging addresses and stories. Then they get together online and share their experiences and photos with the rest of us. "

"When real life inevitably interferes, they lean on one another, sharing their troubles and worries and dreams. They…we…really get to know one other. So many friendships…true, caring, and loving friendships…have come to be because of you and, although we do perv over you, we share everything we learn and do and, well, just everything. All of this is because, at some point, _you _came into our lives." I continue.

DD catches my eye, silently asking for a chance to add her two cents. I nod slightly at her to go ahead.

"Edward, I e-mail a woman all the time who didn't know a thing about computers. She was unemployed and had no clue of what she wanted to do, or where she was going to get a job. Then, one day, she was looking for something online and stumbled onto MEoW, entirely by accident. She started to back off, but a stunning photo of you caught her eye. She was so taken with you that she started putting together a portfolio of your photo shoots. One thing led to another and she found gifs, tumbler and YouTube videos. Today, she works for a major production company in the CGI department, all because of you!" DD said, trying to explain what we all wanted to tell him.

"Wow, I didn't realize... I never really thought of it that way. Thank you for telling me," Edward said with a wondering look on his handsome face. He blushes and twists his fingers before looking up at us again.

Typical Edward…he's so sweet and humble.

"We're not just your fans anymore, Edward…we're sisters. Well, the Sistahood of the Edsessed," I chuckle.

"Whatever skills we have, we share with each other. For instance, I chat with EdwardsDream-gurl all the time…maybe you've seen her post on MEoW, too…and she told me she was thinking of writing a fan fiction story. So, I volunteered my mad editing skills and now we're online nearly every day. It's a lot of fun discussing plots, characters and theories, and just getting to know each other. She's such a wonderful person and I hope to meet her in real life someday."

Edward appears somewhat dazed all of a sudden. His gorgeous green eyes have widened and the tips of his ears are turning red. Huh! Am I hallucinating, or has the front of his faded 501's just developed a slight bulge? Is it something I'd said? I quickly run through our conversation in my head but fail to pinpoint anything provocative. Could he possibly be attracted to me? Nah! As much as I'd like to believe that, it's probably just my pervy imagination running wild again.

Whatever it is, he recovers quickly, dazzling us again with a lopsided grin. Christ on a crutch! Why can't I have this man? My panties are soaked now and it has nothing to do with the puddle I had been sitting in earlier. It's all I can do not to groan out loud.

"Well, thank you for enlightening me, Char. I'm very flattered. And, may I just say, any friends of JET's are good people in my book. Now, if you two ladies would like to come and stand on either side of me, I think we can persuade Em to take a picture or two before we take you back to your car."

He doesn't have to ask us twice! Flipping our cell phones out at the same time, we hand them to Emmett and lean into Edward on either side while he snaps a couple of pictures of us with The Pretty. He dazzles us so thoroughly, we don't even notice how disheveled we look until we check the screens to see how they came out. Yeech! Oh well, it's all about HIM anyway!

DD and I wave furiously as Edward and Emmett drive back towards the compound, leaving us standing beside the Mercedes. I'm about to congratulate myself for talking us out of a world of trouble when all the blood drains from my face. My legs give out and I begin to wobble.

"TT! What's wrong?" DD gasps, grabbing my arm and slapping me lightly on the cheek.

The blood rushes back where it belongs but nothing can prevent me from collapsing to the ground.

"Oh, DD!" I groan, vainly groping through the pockets of my down jacket again and again. "I can't find them! I must have dropped them when we climbed over the fence."

"WHAT?" she screeches. "You actually brought them with you? Oh my God, what were you thinking?"

Her grip on my arm is becoming painful.

"What was _I_ thinking? What the hell were _you_ were thinking, you fuckin' hussy! You might as well have dropped your drawers at his feet! And how dare you put all the blame on _me_ for this whole fiasco…in front of Edward, for God´s sake!" I scream, slapping her hand away as hard as I can.

"Don't you go using your fancy foreign words on me, you fat cow!" DD screams, letting go of my arm.

"Ooow! Let go, you bag of bones!" I hiss as she reaches down and snatches a handful of my hair.

I grab her around the knees with both arms and yank her down into the dirt. She scratches my face while scrambling to get away. I roll on top of her to a sitting position, draw my fist back and punch her in the eye! All bets are off, at this point.

Neither of us notices the sound of an approaching car, nor the flashing blue and red lights washing over us.

Emmett was having a hard time keeping the car on the road from laughing so hard. The sight of those two wildcats rolling in the dirt, fists flying, was going to be hard to forget.

"You're not really going to let this go, are you?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow at Em while losing the battle to stifle his own laughter.

"Naw, man," Emmett replied, wiping tears from his cheeks. "Gotta discourage this kinda shit. The law oughta be showing up any second now."

"I guess you're right, but I hate that you had to do it. They seemed nice enough. A little crazy, maybe, but nice," Edward sighed, shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it, dude. They'll be released first thing in the morning. They're only being charged with misdemeanor trespassing," Emmett grinned.

"How do you…wait, was that what that phone call was about?"

"Yeah, I spotted their car before I found them climbing over the fence. I for damn sure needed a little background before I let them get anywhere near you, so I phoned the license plate number to Constable Fraser's office. Benton was able to find out who owned it real quick…turns out the chubby one's husband had no idea what his wife was up to tonight. He'd been frantically trying to reach the blonde one's boyfriend to see if he knew where they were. The guys will be posting their bail, but agreed with Benton that a night in jail might teach them a lesson."

"Let's hope so," Edward whispered as he leaned his head against the passenger window to peer out into the darkness.

Emmett rubbed his right hand over his damp cheeks again before reaching deep into his coat pocket.

"Hey, Edward?" he snickered. "Lost any of your *ahem* 'toys,' lately?"

"What are you talking about…huh?" Edward asked, dropping his jaw at the sight of a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs twirling around Emmett's right index finger. His mind boggled trying to imagine just what kind of kinky fuckery those crazy girls could possibly have been planning during their nocturnal visit to his trailer.

Since it was a moot point anyway, he decided to hone his comeback skills on Emmett.

"I was wondering what you found by the fence tonight, Em. Are you sure _you_ weren't the one who dropped them out there?" Edward laughed.

"Naw, man!" Emmett grinned. "Rose wouldn't be caught dead with that fuzzy pink shit. She's more into metal and black leather."

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett! That's my sister you're talking about, OK?" Edward shouted, clamping both hands over his ears. "Aaaargh! Too much information!"

As soon as Emmett parked the car, Edward jumped out and ran to his trailer. Once inside, he slammed the door behind him and quickly twisted the lock with an audible *click.*

"Bugger, bugger, bugger!" he muttered, raking all ten fingers roughly through his wild, bronze mane. Stalking over to his couch, he flopped down onto his back and threw one arm across his eyes.

"_What I'd give to make you mine…_," Edward began singing softly to himself.

Abruptly swinging his legs off the couch to sit upright, he flipped his laptop open and logged onto EdAttack.

"God, I hope EDGE is awake and online," he sighed.

It's nearly noon by the time DD and I stumble out the front door of the police station, shading our eyes from the sun with our hands. Our hair looks like rat infested haystacks. Everything we have on is dirty and torn, especially at the knees. DD is squinting through one black eye, while I'm sporting a split lip and swollen nose. Damn, that girl packs a wallop!

All charges were eventually dropped…thank God! Or, just maybe…thank Edward? At this point, I'm all kinds of grateful we got off so easily. Now, how in the hell are we gonna get to the impound yard to pick up DD's Mercedes and make it back to Seattle before the guys get home?

*Whimper*

Huh? I look back to see what's wrong with DD. Ooow! She's got my right hand in a death grip. I grit my teeth and reach down to loosen her fingers, but she jerks me around to face the street.

Dear God and all the Angels! Harry and Steve are leaning against the cars parked against the curb in front of the station. Both men have their arms crossed over their chests, looking none too pleased.

How the fuck did they know where to find us?

Ah ha! Brilliant deduction tells me Constable Fraser phoned Steve to check whether the car was stolen, since his name is on the registration. He must have ridden up here with Harry since he's now standing beside DD's car. Shit! Bailing that Mercedes out of an impound yard would not have been on Steve's top 10 list of fun things to do in Canada.

Dressed in nearly identical work boots, dark jeans, and long sleeved white waffle T's under flannel plaid shirts, it looks like they had to leave that emergency job earlier than planned. Not good… not good at all!

Unfolding his 6 foot 4 inch frame, Harry pushes himself upright and stalks towards me. I cringe away from him as he grabs me by my left arm to hustle me into his car, but there is no getting out of his tight grip. I glance over my shoulder to see DD receiving the same treatment from Steve.

Oh crap! They're _really_ mad at us, I can tell. We'll be lucky if they don't "ground" us like, forever.

I jump as the driver's side door slams shut. Huffing loudly through his nose, Harry starts the car and pulls out into the street. I look behind us, but DD and Steve are long gone.

"OK, Lucy…you got some 'splainin' to do!" he growls.

_FUUUUUUUCK!_

**Hope you enjoyed this harebrained little romp. Now that it's purged from my bwainz, I can get back to editing updates of Waiting in the Twilight and The Songs of Angels, by our very own DeltaDawn'sDreams. **

**I'd like to thank DeltaDawn'sDreams (a.k.a. RobsFan-tasy)(a.k.a. Kimmey darlin') for her inspiration, encouragement, assistance when I got stuck, and for her endless patience…up to the point where it was time to kick my ass!**

**Special thanks to Cared1 her honest and comprehensive pre-reading of AFM. If she hadn't liked it, I wouldn't have had the cojones to let you see it. **

**And to **_**ALL**_** of you…MWAH!**

**Rita**


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